all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are we still banned from the library?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
