Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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