So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
