Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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