So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
