Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
