it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
