So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize