The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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