Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is the high leading the old right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
