You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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