I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
