I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
