He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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