I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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