You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
