just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
