Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
