I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
