My sheets look like a crime scene.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
