the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
