the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
