I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
