Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
