There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
