Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
