i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
