My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
