THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
