**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
