I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
