New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
