someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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