Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
