apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
