You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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