is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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