Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize