Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
