just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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