Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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