apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They took my balls.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize