come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize