I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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