Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
