Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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