did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
