Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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