If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
