one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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