Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
