You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
