On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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