someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
