I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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