hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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