Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
