Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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