last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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