Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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