You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
