He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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