I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
bring money and cleavage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
