I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
