Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
