I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
