He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
