help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
