I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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